What is “Biblical Discipline”?

So what is discipline? It is teaching, guiding, setting clear boundaries, and correcting:

• Teaching may involve giving our toddler the right words when Sister takes a toy.
• Guiding can mean establishing helpful routines, like a bedtime chart.
• Clear boundaries communicated respect focus on what I am willing to do or not do: “I’m willing to be available two nights a week if we agree on a time in advance, but I’m not willing to get involved at the last minute.”
• Correcting involves letting the child know that their action was wrong and suggesting what to do next time: “Hitting hurts. Tell Sarah you weren’t finished with the crayon.” These responses are very effective when parents choose to not take misbehavior personally and teach non-punitive solutions.
• Consequences can serve as powerful teaching moments for children; however, too often parents twist them into punishments, ultimately diminishing the valuable lesson that could have been learned. To learn more on how to effectively use consequences, you might like my article: The Truth About Consequences.

So what is “Biblical”? Biblical cannot mean merely ‘from somewhere on the pages of Scripture.’ When we consider that the Bible is a single fabric of thought stretching from Genesis to Revelation, biblical must mean ‘in keeping with what the Bible is about.’ And the Bible is about God’s unstoppable passion to be known, loved, and served—through Jesus Christ—by those he made (Source: Paul David Tripp in Wisdom in Counseling. Journal of Biblical Counseling, (Winter 2001)).

Biblical discipline should not hold an “encyclopedic” view of the Bible. The Bible provides important parenting principles rather than a specific method for behavior control, and we should recognize their broad nature. As long as parenting decisions are consistent with these broad principles, we have the authority to discipline our children in a manner that is most suitable for our families. This is God’s design and highlights the freedom He grants us within His boundaries.

Biblical Discipline involves applying the principles and perspectives of the Gospel of Christ into our interactions with children, particularly during moments of correction. What are the principles and perspectives of the Gospel of Christ? Here is a list of a couple key elements (from Parenting by Paul David Tripp):

• A Calling: We are called to introduce our children to the Gospel. The most important thing that a child could ever learn about is the existence, character and plan of God. We can teach them with words and Bible stories, but even more essential is living out these principles and perspectives in front our children, and towards our children.
• Grace: Grace is when we get something that we do not deserve, like kindness or forgiveness. Grace doesn’t ignore sin, it acknowledges and forgives sin, redeeming the sinner. When we acknowledge that we are the ones who need grace the most, we are able to make His invisible grace real to our children.
• Mercy: Mercy means not receiving something we deserve, like punishment or judgement. When we choose to extend compassion, we are choosing to represent the King of kings instead of acting like mini-kings in our own mini-kingdoms. Mini-kings replace God’s law with their own self-serving laws (my will, my way), and punish children when they don’t comply. This is not how we submit to the purposes of God’s Kingdom.
• Law: Our children need God’s law; however, we “cannot ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish” (Tripp, Parenting). While the law reveals sin, it cannot free our children from it.
• Authority: Only God has true authority. As parents, the authority given to us should reflect how beautiful, wise, patient, guiding, protective, rescuing, and forgiving God’s authority is.

There are more than 25 commands for followers of Jesus to be gentle, kind, patient, and to show honor to others! (Source: The Flourishing Family by the Ericksons). A biblically faithful approach to disciplining children calls us to be gentle, kind, and patient. The apostle Paul encourages us to consider our child’s emotions:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not embitter (aggravate) your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:21

Jesus reminds us that children should be treated with dignity and respect:

Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. Matthew 18:10.

What does “look down on” mean? To treat someone as unimportant, or not worthy of respect.

Scripture is clear: children are Image Bearers to be treated with dignity and respect—a blessing, a reward, integral to God’s plan, a model for entering the kingdom of heaven, and immensely valuable.

As parents, we struggle to accept our powerlessness to change the hearts of our children, and we wrestle with trusting the Holy Spirit. When we reduce Proverbs to a parenting manual, we not only misinterpret the scriptures, but we are not “in keeping with what the Bible is about” because we are relying on a formula to produce saving faith (or sanctification instead of relying on the Lord.