Gospel-Based Parenting by Angela Harders

Gospel-Based Parenting begins with Harders’ earnest desire to honor God and obey His word in disciplining her young child, so she reads all the Christian parenting books she can find in hopes of finding a clear “biblical” approach. She shares her findings in Chapter One, an eye-opening array of quotes from 28 Christian sources on the what, when, where, and how of spanking. While the Christian parenting “experts” all claim to have used the Bible to develop their spanking method, the results are a mess of disturbing, conflicting conclusions on how a follower of Christ should hit a child.

Harders then goes straight to the scriptures herself to see what it has to say on corporal punishment of young children. After her research, she came up with at least 4 ways in which the Bible contradicts the numerous spanking recommendations from the Christian parenting authorities:

1. The Bible does not set an upper age limit for corporal punishment, and examples refer to legal adults (aged 12 and older). Are you thinking, “wait, what about “the rod” verses in Proverbs?” Many Christian parents are surprised to learn that the “child” in Proverbs is a young adult. Later in the book Harders provides a detailed explanation on how Proverbs is often misinterpreted.
2. The Bible is clear that the “rod” is for the back, not on a naked “bottom,” “bare thighs,” “arms,” “or “hands” as suggested by the Christian leaders. (Proverbs 26:3 & 10:13)
3. When it comes to corporal punishment, the only tools are a rod or a whip—definitely not the “parent’s hand,” a “wooden spoon,” a “ping-pong paddle,” “weed eater cord,” “plumber’s supply line,” or a “fresh, green wooden switch”— more ideas from the Christian parenting “experts.” (Proverbs 13:24; 23:13-14; 22:15 & 29:15)
4. The Bible indicates that corporal punishment should be severe enough to result in visible markings. “Bruising wounds clean away evil, And blows cleanse the innermost parts” (Proverbs 20:30 NASV; italics mine).

Why is it important to know what the Bible says about using the rod (“spanking”)? We cannot support a parenting philosophy that teaches to apply sections of the rod verses literally (like hitting a person), and then swap to applying the rest of the verse figuratively (like the tool used or the bruises/wounds inflicted).

My favorite chapter in the book is titled: “How Does Jesus Discipline?” Harders reminds us that Jesus did not deal with people according to their sins or repay evil for evil; instead, He extends mercy and grace: “Mercy is when we do not get something we deserve. Grace is when we do get something that we do not deserve.” Grace doesn’t ignore sin, it acknowledges and forgives sin, redeeming the sinner. What extraordinary news! “Jesus has already paid the price for our sins. There is no longer any punishment for us.”

“When we continue to punish our children for the sins that Jesus has already paid for, we are making a mockery of His sacrifice.”

“Jesus’s death on the cross appeased and fully satisfied the wrath of God against our sin so that God would be able to view us favorably. God the father does not punish His children as there is no punishment left for us.”

Hitting a child to teach them a lesson is neither Biblical nor a natural consequence.

God does discipline us, which means He teaches and instructs us, and He allows us to experience the natural consequences of our sins. This is the Biblical parenting model presented in Gospel-Based Parenting.