“Mom, Do I Have to go to Church!?”

We must be careful to not manipulate scripture in an attempt to get compliance from our children. To develop a healthy foundation of faith in our children, they need to see us living out a genuine relationship with Jesus, rather than just emphasizing religious practices.

Maybe we need to help our children ask a better question: Is it possible to grow my faith without attending church?

Well. Yes, it’s possible. You can engage in prayer, fellowship, and worship God at home with your family or even while enjoying outdoor activities like golf. God’s power and beauty is as easy to behold as it is to walk out your back door. However, the real question is, “will you?” Will you commit to dedicating that time to honor God, acknowledging His endless grace, and reflecting on His supreme authority, consistently?

Allow me to make a quick analogy. Do you know why children adore theme parks and children’s museums? Because it’s all about them. I don’t mean that negatively, rather parents are focused on making memories and helping their child enjoy the experience. This can be done without compromising values or our family rules. For example, we still set boundaries like saying no to ice cream before lunch, but overall we are attuned to their needs and what we can do to contribute to the time together. This, my friends, is the mindset I want us to adopt with church. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach (just like most parenting challenges), but here are some suggestions that might help your child feel more positive about church:

• Allow them to choose the post-church restaurant
• Let them decide whether to sit with you during the service or to attend the children’s program
• Let them have a say in what they wear to church
• Express joy at having them with you at church
• Offer comforting gestures like rubbing their back
• Say, “Thank you for sitting next to me.”
• Engage in a quick game of tic-tac-toe during announcements
• Emphasize connection and set a positive example
• Maintain a long-term perspective rather than focusing solely on short-term outcomes

Tips for Families with Preschool – Elementary Children: Separation anxiety is a developmentally normal behavior for preschoolers. It’s crucial to prioritize the child’s developmental needs in these ages, which means church is going to be less about what we want to do, and more about the needs of the child. This may involve alternating church attendance with your spouse, taking the child out the sanctuary for regular breaks (while remaining calm and connected the child), or offering support in their classroom until they are confident in being there without you. Will you miss some, or all, of the service? Most likely. That’s ok, this is just a season. I bet you can watch the sermon online after bedtime.

Preteen & Teenagers- If you have a preteen or teenager that’s not interested in going to church I recommend brainstorming with them to find age-appropriate compromises. Do they prefer watching online? Maybe agree for a season to alternate in-person/online attendance as a family. Is it possible that your current church doesn’t have the greatest youth program? Would your child like to tag along with a friend to their church? Talk to your child and find out specifically what it is that they are not enjoying and work together to find a solution. Tell them it may take a while, but that you’re confident that eventually you guys will find one. And in the meantime pray that God will soften your child’s hearts for church and that friendships with peers and pastors will start to take root.

What happens at home the other 6 days of the week are far more important than one or two hours at church on Sundays. As parents our focus should be on modeling and reflecting the attributes of church in our home: love one another (1 John 4:12), encourage one another (Hebrews 3:13), “spur” one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24), serve one another (Galatians 5:13), instruct one another (Romans 15:14), honor one another (Romans 12:10), and be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32).