The Flourishing Family by Dr. David and Amanda Erickson

It’s no surprise that Dr. David Erickson, a theology professor for 13 years, quotes scripture in the book he co-authored with his wife. However, many works in this genre resort to “proof texting,” where isolated verses are taken out of context to support an idea and make it seem more Christian. Thankfully, this is not the case in The Flourishing Family! In this parenting book you’re going to learn a little Hebrew. some neuroscience, and a lot of good biblical exegesis- the examination of a particular text of scripture in order to properly interpret it.

I love a parenting book that gives examples of what to say in tricky moments! While there may not be any magic in the specific words, to be given specific responses is extremely helpful. Here’s an example of one that not only builds connection but also supports co-regulation: “I can tell this is important to you. I want to hear what you have to say. Why don’t you try again with your regular voice?” At the end of the book the Ericksons have gathered together all the peacemaking parenting tools they’ve explored (plus a few extras!) for a quick and easy reference.

My favorite chapter in the book is all about obedience. It’s a shame that countless Christian parenting “experts” have made this “good” thing (obedience) a “god” thing- meaning they have twisted obedience into an idol. The Ericksons argue that true Biblical obedience is based in trust, not from fear or manipulation. “Trust-based obedience” doesn’t happen overnight, but when it does happen, it yields profound wisdom. It’s so easy to ask ourselves, “how can I make my child obey?” But the Ericksons suggest the better question is: “How can I help my child obey?” Amanda says,

“Helping our children obey doesn’t have to mean exerting our authority so they fear our judgment, or shaming them so they feel bad enough to do what we’ve asked. Instead, much like the Helper promised by Jesus who indwells and empowers us, we can come alongside our children to empower them as we help them.”

The chapter ends with wonderful reminders of how we can be a channel of mercy in the lives of our children. One way we can do this is by giving our children permission to fail within the safety of our unconditional love, providing an environment where they can learn from mistakes without judgment. Then we can respond with Christ-like compassion and care, extending to them the radical grace God extends us.

“A child’s delayed obedience is ultimately an opportunity for us to practice patience, model self-control, demonstrate kindness, and allow the fruit of the Spirit to flourish in us.”

I’m not surprised that David and Amanda found more than 25 commands for followers of Jesus to be gentle, kind, patient, and show honor to others. These are the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ that should show up in all our interactions with our children, including times of discipline! When these things are at the forefront, we can become agents of His transforming grace.

So many important topics are explored chapter after chapter: sin nature, consequences, and corporal punishment, just to name a few. Jesus-focused parenting is so much more than behavior management, and with The Flourishing Family you’ll gain the confidence to make informed discipline decisions grounded in genuine Biblical wisdom.