To Raise Generous Children, Say No to Forced Sharing!

What to do instead? Teach them how to take turns.

Most parents ask their children to share long before it’s developmentally appropriate. Just because you make Lorien give Jonah the marbles does not mean Lorien is practicing or learning how to share. She is actually just learning to comply with demands in order to make someone else happy. We would never expect adults to do what we are asking of toddlers: to share your laptop in the middle of composing an email? Share your car because you’ve had it long enough already?

Play is the child’s work, so it is just as frustrating for them. For children, play serves as a crucial outlet for exploring their environment, developing skills, and expressing their emotions; when we get in the way of that work, it leads to feelings of resentment and anger towards us. Oh, and swooping in and choosing sides is a perfect way to fan the flames of sibling rivalry!

In my Montessori Toddler classroom the children actually ‘share’ everything in the room, but they are never asked to stop working with something because someone else wants it. By allowing a child to work with a material (or toy) for as long as they want, the child is stretching their ability to concentrate, focus, and to even to sit still longer! – all essential skills that are needed for future academic success. We need to teach children to advocate for themselves by saying, “you can have a turn when I’m done.”

Waiting is not just an inconvenience; it’s an important skill that can be practiced when a child’s environment and parent support the art of the taking turns. Did you know most Montessori preschool classrooms only have a single marker, a solitary pair of scissors, or just one baby doll? The answer is simple: by limiting materials, we create countless moments of waiting, challenging them to master this essential skill.

Here is a simple way to teach turn taking:

Are you intrigued by this idea but have more questions? Do you practice this at home already? Please let me know in the comments below!