Buy 👍
Faber’s book offers a wealth of relatable, actionable scripts, and stories. It includes cartoon illustrations that showcase helpful vs. unhelpful responses to fighting, the pitfalls of comparison, and the problem with trying to make everything “fair.” The author highlights an interesting paradox to sibling harmony: when negative feelings about a sibling are dismissed by parents, these emotions tend to intensify. But when parents acknowledge these negative feelings, it leads to an increase in positive emotions.
While we can let children work out small disagreements on their own, it’s important not to pick sides when we need to step in. Here are five things to keep in mind when intervening in sibling fights:
1. Acknowledge the children’s anger towards each other. That alone should help.
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber
2. Listen to each child’s side with respect.
3. Show appreciation for the difficultly of the problem.
4. Express faith in their ability to work out a mutually agreeable solution.
5. Leave the room.*
*You cannot leave the room if a child still hits- in that case you need to stay near to block hits and tell them what they can do/say.
Negative attention is still attention in the eyes of a child- and we don’t want to reward hurtful behavior with attention. Here is a perfect illustration from Siblings Without Rivalry on how to give attention to the injured party, not to the aggressor:
Siblings Without Rivalry is a guide for families who refuse to settle for superficial harmony, aka “peace at any price.” This book delves into the complexities of relationships and offers suggestions that will not only improve your children’s interactions with each other, but also set the stage for healthier future relationships. It’s a journey to discover what (or more importantly, who) we truly have control over.
Resources for Christian Discipline 
One thought on “Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber”