Pass ❌
While the title may be enticing, the book has little to offer in the way of grace-based advice. Instead, much of Murray’s advice is short-term gain, behavior control tactics, such as punishment and rewards. Although Murray is a skilled writer with a knack for story telling and one-liners, this book gets one of my worst reviews due to contradictions and lack of effective, respectful parenting tools.
Murray says discipline is the antithesis to punishment and that discipline never wounds or humiliates. To that I give a hearty, ‘Amen!’ So, you can understand my surprise when she recommends to spank a young child. I often hear debates about how spanking is not hitting, which is a soundless argument, but I’ve never heard someone try to argue that spanking is not humiliating. Arguably, spanking causes even greater humiliation than it does pain. Sidebar, Biblically speaking, when the rod was used for discipline, it would severely injure or even kill (Ex 20:21). Spanking without bruising is completely opposite the discipline text in Proverbs. Present day spanking is a much improved form of discipline than what is found in the Bible, and it aligns with the redemptive spirit of the Bible. Movement towards better ethics. Even so, better ethics is not best.
She suggests a 10-year rule, where you imagine your child doing a behavior in 10 years to determine whether this behavior warrants an imposed consequence (punishment). I am sorry, but this really highlights our ignorance on child development. It is developmentally appropriate for a toddler to hit. There is no amount of punishment that is going to speed up brain development to allow the child to execute impulse control and effective verbal communication skills.
In the book Grace Based Discipline Murray shares how she thought hitting her dog was a great tool to teach him not to run out the front door. Honestly I was shocked she put that in ink. Low and behold that doesn’t actually produce the outcome she had desired. She eventually learns that what the dog needed was love and support, and training on what to do instead- so glad for the dog. Too bad for the children.
Resources for Christian Discipline 